Have you ever felt so angry or upset that you wanted to act in a way that might not be the best choice? Maybe you wanted to yell at someone or just avoid a situation. In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), there's a technique called Opposite Action that can help you deal with these intense emotions by doing the opposite of what you feel like doing.
What is Opposite Action?
Opposite Action is a skill that helps you change your emotions by acting in a way that's different from what your feelings are telling you to do. Sometimes, our emotions can lead us to act in ways that make things worse, even when we don’t mean to. For example, if you’re really angry, you might feel like yelling, but that could end up hurting someone’s feelings and making the situation worse.
Opposite Action works because it helps you break the cycle of emotions controlling your behavior.
The idea behind Opposite Action is simple: if your emotion is not helpful or doesn’t match what’s really going on, you should act in the opposite way. This can help you feel better and avoid making the situation worse.
When Should You Use Opposite Action?
Your emotions don’t match the situation: For example, feeling very scared about something that’s actually safe.
Acting on your emotion could cause problems: Even if your emotion is understandable, acting on it might not be the best choice. For example, being mad at a friend and wanting to say something mean could hurt your friendship.
We also cover emotion regulation skills like Opposite Action at our Holloway Marriage Workshops.
How to Use Opposite Action
Name the Emotion: First, figure out what emotion you’re feeling. Is it fear, anger, sadness, or something else?
Check the Facts: Ask yourself if your emotion makes sense for what’s happening. Are you overreacting, or is there another way to see the situation?
Notice What You Want to Do: Pay attention to what your emotion is pushing you to do. Do you feel like avoiding, yelling, or shutting down?
Do the Opposite: If your emotion doesn’t fit the facts or acting on it would be unhelpful, do the opposite of what you feel like doing.
Really Commit: When you choose to do the opposite action, do it fully. Don’t just go through the motions—really try to put your energy into it.
Examples of Opposite Action
Anger at a Co-Worker: Suppose a co-worker did something that really annoyed you, and your first instinct is to confront them angrily or give them the silent treatment. Opposite Action would be to approach them calmly and express your concerns in a polite, constructive way. This can help resolve the issue without creating unnecessary tension.
Procrastination on a Home Project: Let’s say you’ve been putting off a home improvement project because you feel overwhelmed by the amount of work it will take. The natural urge might be to keep avoiding it. Opposite Action would be to start with just one small task, like gathering the tools you’ll need or setting a timer to work on it for just 10 minutes. Often, taking that first step makes the rest feel more manageable.
Avoiding a Difficult Conversation: Perhaps you need to have a tough conversation with a friend or family member, but you’re anxious about how it will go, so you keep putting it off. Opposite Action would be to initiate the conversation instead of avoiding it. Approaching the conversation calmly and openly can help clear the air and lead to a positive outcome.
Dealing with Road Rage: If someone cuts you off in traffic and your immediate reaction is to get angry and retaliate by honking or tailgating them, Opposite Action would be to take a deep breath, let it go, and continue driving calmly. This not only keeps you safe but also prevents your anger from ruining your day.
Anxiety About Trying Something New: Suppose you’ve been invited to try a new activity, like rock climbing or salsa dancing, but you feel nervous because it’s outside your comfort zone. Opposite Action would be to say “yes” and give it a try, even if you feel anxious. Often, trying new things can lead to rewarding experiences and boost your confidence.
Why Opposite Action Works
Opposite Action works because it helps you break the cycle of emotions controlling your behavior. When you act on your emotions in the usual way, it can make the feelings stronger and harder to manage. By doing the opposite, you challenge your emotions and often find that they lose their power over you.
This skill also helps you create new experiences that can change how you feel in the future. For example, if you face a fear and handle it well, you’ll feel more confident the next time you’re in a similar situation.
Final Thoughts
Opposite Action is a great tool for managing your emotions and making better choices. By practicing this skill, you can take control of your emotions instead of letting them control you. It might feel strange at first, but the more you practice, the easier it will become.
If you’re struggling with intense emotions or if they’re leading to problems in your relationships or daily life, talking to a counselor or therapist can be really helpful. They can guide you in using Opposite Action and other skills to improve how you feel and handle tough situations. We also cover emotion regulation skills at our Holloway Marriage Workshops.
Remember, you have the power to change how you respond to your emotions. With practice, you can learn to act in ways that make your life better, not harder.
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